A little Bierce makes everything Bitter, er, Better

Ambrose Bierce, whether for, by, or in spite of his cynicism, is a genius. A contemporary of Mr Samuel Clements, but far less "folksy." His best known works, and sadly the only two most of the intelligentsia will ever touch, are "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and "The Devil's Dictionary"

I found my old, over-loved copy of The Devil's Dictionary recently. Miss Gray had never read it before, and she was nearly howling with laughter. "The problem I have with this book," she gasped, "it is not written as an illuminated manuscript bound in leather."

I think this would be a noble undertaking, as well as required reading for future hiring decisions.

"Well, I am a journeyman boilermaker, a champion cannon loader, have no trouble with heights."
"Ever read The Devil's Dictionary?"
"...yes?"
"Ah, well, thank you for your application. You start Monday. Here is my sister, go have fun."